Panda Watch: Real Change is a Lowered Drinking Age – jbs -cd

Travis Fondow

I have become so dissatisfied with the uninspired opinions of Lawrentians on the Op/Ed pages, to the point where I would rather re-read what I have written than see one more article about to how great Barack is – JB — or how much B. Huessein Obama sucks –thanks Harvey Kushner, psycho. This past week was particularly frustrating as the only part of this predictably miserable section worth reading, Eric Prichard’s Hipo City, put together the worst column since Ann Coulter celebrated the death of Clinton’s cat.
Prichard’s assertion that crosswords are great is absolutely untrue. There is a reason there isn’t a crossword in this fine publication, because they are stupid. Crosswords are a chance for nerdy kids to show off their vocabulary in front of their unimpressed friends at lunch in an effort to dominate the conversation that they would otherwise be left out of.
The clues are more trivial than what our trivia masters can come up with each winter, and equally as useless in the real world. I could have dealt with just one bad column, but frankly, Prich’s column has been going downhill for a while, so I have taken upon myself to fill those tiny shoes that he hasn’t quite left yet (51 days). This column won’t be about itself, or how much more I know about something than you, and especially not about raccoons.
I have instead launched my column on a topic I believe most college students and in particular Lawrentians will appreciate: drinking. As a legal drinker I can legally say that it is awesome. Yet I still don’t understand why it is that it took me three extra years after I could buy a prostitute in Vegas to be able to consume alcohol. My passion for the topic was enflamed when I recalled how I became a criminal for this behavior by blowing a .043 –15 beers, no big deal — at a stupid high school reunion party in my friend’s basement when the cops showed up last summer.
While some may claim that writing a column in a school newspaper in favor of lowering the drinking age is easier than a girl at the “Peace and Harmony” party last weekend, I maintain that at least other students will find my opinion a little more credible than Erin Crazypants Watson’s opinion on love.
The late limit of 21 leads adults to go absolutely overboard when it is finally legal and make a complete ass of themselves in their effort to have 21 drinks in one night: spending more time on the floor than in a stool, trying to hit on girls without being able to form coherent sentences and ending the night with a nice projectile vomiting session — not that I would remember or anything.
I’ll admit, though, that part of what makes the Viking Room and other bars so great is that it so exclusive to those over 21. The VR has to be one of the most careful bars about carding which makes it one of the best and most sought after by underclassmen.
This exclusivity is key to keeping the VR sweet, as the last thing VR patrons want is a bunch of freshman crashing the upperclassman fun. That is why the VR should just check our student ID cards and adopt a “no freshman” policy.
This would keep the VR great and keep freshman away drinking their Fleischmann’s in their Plantz doubles before later wandering through Hiett looking for the party like a good freshman should.
If anyone shouldn’t be allowed to drink, it should be middle-aged people, whose alcoholism actually has the chance of affecting other people, like their children. What’s more incredible is the hypocrisy that these folks have the audacity to enforce these laws and chalk it up to “it was a different time then”.
The greatest difference between our generation and our parents’ is that we sit around and protest silently in our dorm rooms and accept this ludicrous law rather than protesting. However, the drinking age was 21 in the sixties, until an unpopular war sparked protesting that lead to the lowering of drinking age and other measures to pacify the upset youth. Thanks to Reagan, the federal government mandated that every state lower the drinking age or face a 10 percent reduction in highway funds from the feds.
Today, we find ourselves once again in an extremely unpopular war. However, the general climate on campus is one of apathy towards this unjust war largely because it doesn’t affect us. I believe a draft would be the tipping point for our generation to say enough is enough and end the ridiculous apathy at being deprived of one of our most important fundamental rights.
This is why I have come to realize that naive****ACCENT**** optimistic stump speeches — that’s you, Barack — would not effect the real change that I want to see. Yes, I have changed my election decision — .org — to John McCain because I think he may be just crazy enough to bring back the draft in ’08 leading to an explosion of pent up anger from our generation manifesting into a malestorm of change that will make the 60’s look like Hippo City last week–lame and tame. Then and only then, will 18-21 year olds in this country be able to excercise our God-given, unalienable right to pursue happiness.