Dear ECW,
I am thinking of dating Spencer Neitzel. Would this be a prudent social decision?
-Questionable Standards
Dear Questionable Standards,
No.
Dear ECW,
I’ve heard from various sources that Travis Fondow has recently put the kibosh on his mildly successful “Where the Freshmen At?” campaign. Can I still hit that?
-Concerned Freshman
Dear Freshman,
Yes.
Dear ECW,
My 21st birthday is Saturday, and I am thinking of making out with either one of the aforementioned gentlemen after several drinks at Wet and other favorite Appleton nightspots. What do you think?
-Almost 21
Dear Nora,
Stick with Wet. I’m sure there will be plenty of other eligible young bachelors in attendance and ready to purchase a Miller Lite for you, which might be more than you could expect from either Mr. Fondow or Mr. Neitzel, who are already clearly overwhelmed with young admirers.