Hippo City

James Eric Prichard

We are halfway through spring term and the weather is finally pleasant, which means that students are excitedly preparing for their summer vacations. The students, that is, who are not graduating. If you’re like me, you wake up every morning in a cold sweat, afraid of the post-graduation world. You’ve been mollycoddled for four years and now feel like the Nazi battleship Bismarck, circling the waters with a jammed rudder and waiting for your inevitable destruction.
This dread and anxiety, some claim, are unwarranted. There are plenty of people on the outside who have happy lives and were able to adjust; the fact that we don’t know any does not mean that they do not exist. I am not convinced, but would like to be. It might help to use the fail-safe “Pro/Con” list and see if I can’t talk myself into being excited for what is to come.
On the “Pro” side is the fact that there is no homework after college. In many occupations you go to your job, clock in, and then clock out. You don’t have a paper deadline hanging over your head all weekend. You also don’t have the occasional insane amounts of workload. Adults might complain about having a lot on their plates, but how often do they pull all-nighters?
Unfortunately this “pro” is irrelevant. I speak for many when I say that by now I am not doing much homework at all. When I was job-hunting earlier in the year I thought that I would definitely not have to work as hard at a job as I do at school. This is no longer the case. I cannot even bring myself to think intelligently in class, which does not help when I think it wise to participate.
A big pro that is not irrelevant is that after you graduate you can start having kids. I really want a son! It would be more than a little cumbersome to start a family while still going to classes, but it should be a cinch in the real world. The two things that I look forward to most after graduation are buying a gun and having a kid, in that order. Number three is working on my rap career.
Another “pro” is that I will have many opportunities to make friends at a new job and in a new city. This pro is actually a con and hints at the cold fact that after June I will lose all of my old friends and be forced to start anew. It is likely that I will spend a lot of time alone in a cramped apartment, begin to rationalize spending grotesque amounts of time at a computer, and eventually fall in love with my “World of Warcraft” guild leader. It will be difficult to transition from being surrounded by friends, and I don’t think that I will overcome this difficulty.
Another item on the “Con” side is that we are all going to be broke. I did what I could by looking for a job and then getting a job, but it looks as if that will not be enough. The dollar is not really worth anything and everybody knows that a recession is coming. I read somewhere that the recession will be as bad as the Great Depression. That prospect is pretty frightening and so I think it is credible. Bush should be blamed for making us poor because of Iraq or something, and Clinton should be blamed too because he did some other stuff. I personally blame my dad as well because he could have started a computer company but did not.
Aside from rapping about teaching my son to shoot, the post-Lawrence world does not offer much. I wonder if it is too late to decide to be a 5th-year Senior and stick around. I heard that they are looking for enough people to get Soundboard a quad house for next year, so I would at least have a place to live.

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