Ramble on the Roof

Torrin Thatcher

Due to athletes lately not being smart with their speech,
I thought of all the lessons that their dumbness could teach.
I thought of writing a song with a chorus and many a verse,
But I second-thought that and picked this poetic course.
I hope you enjoy my ideas, and here we begin,
Please do not shoot the messenger; I want to be read here again!
Oh, Mark McGwire, your wife may be very fine,
But now you’re back with the Cardinals, coaching from the pine.
You feared to answer the questions that Congress did ask,
Saying that you didn’t want to talk about the actions of the past.
Tony La Russa wants to hire his Big Mac,
But how long will he be able to constantly cover his back?
Oh, Jeff Fisher, you’re the longest tenured coach in the game,
But what you recently pulled, well, it just was quite lame.
You had on a Manning jersey, you wore it on a whim,
But that’s not a good thing to do when your team has yet to win.
You’re a good guy, coach, and a motivator too,
But maybe Tennessee will decide your coaching stay will be through.
Oh, Larry Johnson, what happened to you just carrying the ball?
Before those words come out, do you even think one bit at all?
You used to rush for yards on each attempt and many scores,
But now your only interests are those that are solely yours.
Stay quiet and maybe you’ll play well despite increasing age,
And that can work, you know – take it from Paterno’s page.
Oh, Delonte West, you played well with Jameer at St. Joe’s,
But with beating your wife and toting guns, well, you know:
Bad things can only come when with sports you do some crime,
As Plaxico and Michael vouch, you’ll have to do time.
You have tons of tattoos and you seem to have some thick skin,
So maybe you’ll get some homemade tats while locked up in the pen.
Oh, city of Los Angeles, do you really want an NFL team?
Are you legit in your interest, or do you just want more green?
You had once the Raiders and the Rams, but they both left,
If you take away a team from somewhere else, that’s just theft.
You have Dodgers, Lakers, Kings and Angels; college galore;
You greedy town, you’ve got the Trojans – who would need more?
Lamar Odom, remember when you turned your career around?
With the way you’re getting married, you’re a six-foot-10 clown!
Getting tattoos of each other inked on each of your hands?
Maybe you should try to reach the Finals again.
Kobe wants his fifth so Jordan he can pass or tie,
And he’ll keep on trying until he does so or he dies.
Oh, Andre Agassi, why do you feel your story needed light?
Did your demons catch up with you, and you couldn’t fight?
To think that you were looked at as mostly clean and pure,
Why tell everyone you did some crazy stuff while immature?
We hope you and Steffi stay strong and that things don’t get bad,
But maybe you just want attention and that’s just sad.
Oh, Brett Favre, when you say these current Vikings are the best,
Do you really want to put Reggie, Gilbert, LeRoy to the test?
In ’96, you had great D, and Desmond on the ball,
You had Ruettgers, Koonce, and Henderson just willing to maul.
Before you make a statement with the season yet to pass,
Maybe you should take your head right out of your … posterior.
My time is short, I must resist from writing some more,
I hope that my little poem here was not a big bore.
I wanted to try something new, get me out of my daze,
More than likely, though, next week I’ll be back to my ways.
Have a good Halloween, dress in costume and have fun,
Be sure to come back next week, or my career here will be done.