LU enters 21st century with campus-wide WiFi

J.B. Sivanich

Lawrence’s Information
Technology Services announced
this week that wireless Internet
access will be provided throughout
the Lawrence campus.
The administration released
the following statement concerning
the news: “WiFi has been a
relatively cheap and available
technology for some years now.
We thought that 2010 would be
a great time for us to join the
21st century. There are whole
islands in Panama that have wireless
Internet; it is only right that
the ridiculously privileged white
suburban American teenagers who
attend our institution are afforded
the same opportunities.”
Student reactions to the news
were varied. “This is excellent
news,” said junior Emily Galvin.
“Now I can bring my laptop to
Downer and Facebook-stalk strangers
and try to figure out their
names and find out their embarrassing
ideas of what a cute profile
pic is.”
“No more blue cords running
across my beautiful Ormsby wooden
floor,” said one freshman girl,
not realizing how fortunate she
was to live in Ormsby and how
presumptuous she was to draw
attention to her beautiful wooden
floors, thereby making those not
fortunate enough to live in Ormsby
even more resentful of her.
“No more duct tape on my walls
to distract the eye from my awesome
Bob Dylan and James Dean
posters,” she continued, without
realizing that she just redeemed
herself by making everyone recognize
there is no point in envying
a cliché semi-artsy Ormsby freshman
girl, wooden floors or not.
“I think it’s great,” said senior
Oren Jakobson. “Now there’s nothing
holding me back from permanently
moving into the garden.”
Other Lawrentians seemed a
little less impressed. “I don’t know.
It’s about time, is all I can say,” said
senior Torrin Thatcher. “Once the
SigEp TV starts getting more than
three channels that offer sports
coverage, I’ll have something to get
excited about.