Drunk in Love

Zach Patrick-Riley

Dear Dr. Z,
I recently started this “thing” with a girl, but it’s not too serious, yet. Lately the same situation keeps coming up: I’m in my room with her, but so is my roommate! How do I get him to leave without it being weird?!Smoothly, Tongue-Tied

Well Mr. Tied, it appears you are in quite the quandary. So here’s what I will do for you. Below is a list of seven tips that will help you become a seasoned sexiler:

7. Not to reinforce social stereotypes, but sometimes na’ve freshmen have this notion that having a sign or sock on the door will protect them from any outside disturbances. When your roommate comes back, he will be frustrated that you didn’t give notice, or the moment could be spoiled by sudden animal grunting noises from your dorm-mates.

6. Although making out with your new friend may weird your roommate out enough to make him leave, doing that is just plain weird. Instead, if your roommate is still oblivious, muster up inner strength and bluntly ask him for some private time. It may be slightly awkward, but perhaps you’ll impress the woman you are so attracted to and excited about spending quality time with.

5. Consider having a “key song” that signals the other person to leave. Songs such as “Let’s Get It On” or the classic “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails may be potential winners.

4. Make eye contact or give your roommate a head nod. But make sure your new friend isn’t turned off by a too-obvious indication of your intentions.

3. Send your roommate a text, Facebook message or email saying you would love to have the room. You may even considering offering Muncheez as compensation the following night.

2. As soon as possible, come up with a “key topic” that signals your roommate to leave. For example, bring up the weather with something like, “Man, I hear there’s supposed to be a heat wave tomorrow.” This will inspire your roommate to glance at his computer nonchalantly and stating that he must go to the library immediately. Then the real heat wave begins!

1. Of course, the most ideal thing to do to prevent the awkward situation is to ask (not demand) that you would like to have the room for some private time. Of course it may not always be that simple, but if you think in advance that there is a good chance of hooking up with your crush, let your roommate know. The more advance you can give the better. For example, one thing that works well is asking on Tuesday night to have the room Friday night. That way both people are prepared and can plan accordingly.

Basically, speak openly with your roommate about an ideal system for securing the room. Don’t make things awkward or ruin the mood by putting a sock on the door or getting undressed. If you have a good plan, both your roommate and your “friend” will be appreciative, and you can really get to un-tying that tongue of yours.

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