Lore-ence: New crying spaces on campus

There are some things you just need a special place for. Bathrooms, laboratories and smoking huts all have specific purposes and rules for students to follow, and we as a campus are better off as a result. However, there is one thing that students do that currently does not have a specialized location: crying.  

Every Lawrentian has let a big tear leak from their bloodshot eyes every once in a while. With demanding course loads and excessive obligations, even the most ambitious students have to let loose sometimes. While many believe that crying on the go is a right, others wish for a more secure and secluded place to let some feelings out. 

There are very few places around campus where students can cry comfortably. People have often said that at college you’re never truly alone. For those who want some more privacy, lounges, classrooms, bathrooms and even their bedrooms don’t quite cut it. With this treasured Lawrence tradition of breaking down over a substandard grade, we need to find a better alternative.

Over the years, Lawrence has installed smoking huts around campus. These huts have served a great purpose to students, as the designated spots for smoking help students who cannot or prefer not to be near smoke breathe comfortably. Willy Snivel, the I came, I saw, I conquered director, is in charge of determining what new buildings need to be made at Lawrence. He has seen the need for private crying spaces and has decided to give students everything they’ve ever wanted, modelled off of the smoking huts. Starting next week, we should expect to find some exciting new changes around campus.

Explaining his ideas, Snivel said, “As a Lawrence alum, I know how important it is to find a good crying spot. For me, it used to be the railroad bridge, but that’s been shut down.” Snivel broke down into tears upon remembering the closure of the bridge. After a few minutes of sobbing, Snivel said, “Follow me.” 

I followed Snivel into the woods behind Trever Hall. We stopped in front of a port-a-potty. “This,” Snivel sniffled, “is my stroke of genius. We’ll have port-a-potties around campus for the specific use of private crying spaces. Please give me a moment.” Snivel stepped inside to demonstrate. While the port-a-potty may have shaken as he sobbed, it was a solid structure and did not tip. Snivel emerged triumphantly.

“You can expect to see these crying huts around campus starting next week,” Snivel announced. When asked about the possibility of students using them for other purposes, Snivel explained, “The social code prohibits it. There will only be one time of year that students will be allowed to use our crying huts for their original purpose. LUaroo is a time when everyone is happy, and therefore we won’t need crying huts. We may have a demand for port-a-potties, though. Don’t worry, we will definitely clean and return the huts to their original locations after the event.”

While students may not be able to use these crying huts in the winter, they will serve the campus well during the warm months. Expect to see a bunch of port-a-potties around campus in the near future.