Lore-ence: New student jobs

You don’t have to be a genius to know that attending Lawrence University is incredibly expensive, landing a large number of students into excessive debt. Genius status also isn’t required to figure out that getting a job is one way to slightly alleviate the crushing weight of student debt. Lawrence higher-ups are aware of this and are therefore looking to support students by providing more options for student jobs. They are also waiving all restrictions on the number of hours students can work any given week. 

Earlier this week, a multitude of new Lawrence University jobs were posted to Handshake. Students can now apply for jobs such as “scapegoat for missteps made by higher-up faculty” and “slightly downstate geologist.” While most of these jobs are compensated with minimum wage, the recent waiver of hour restrictions means that students can work as often as they need to support themselves during their time at Lawrence. 

Bill Emplojer, who was recently hired by the new Office of Careers and Endless Hope, is solely responsible for these new life-enhancing changes. Emplojer said, “We want to prepare our students for the real world. A liberal arts education is invaluable to understanding harsh realities. That’s why we want to work our students to the bone. That’s capitalism, baby!” Most students believe that whatever work they do after Lawrence will be easier than the student employment they endured during their time here. In that way, this new program is implementing a work ethic that will last a lifetime and benefit students more than ever. 

The Office of Careers and Endless Hope reports that 99% of Lawrence students have found their place after graduation, whether that be graduate school, an internship or a job. What this statistic doesn’t tell you is that 82% of those graduating students are still working for Lawrence University in their coal mine downstate. “Slightly downstate geologist” is one of the most popular jobs for students and alumni. The coal is locally sourced and therefore claimed to be sustainable. Emplojer, who has a degree in environmental science said, “We’re not buying into big energy companies. We’re doing this all on our own terms.” 

Emplojer (’56) went to Lawrence when working on minimum wage was enough to get by and pay tuition. While some believe that this new system will instill good work ethic, many others have voiced dissatisfaction with the expectations of the system. Some have criticized his methods and lack of understanding of student lives. One student, who wished to remain anonymous, said, “That guy is an utter buffoon.” 

Many students have discovered that they can get off-campus employment for slightly more money. Some have also reported feeling lucky to attend a school where financial aid is fairly generous. For those dissatisfied with the new system, there are other options aside from on-campus employment, and students hope to demonstrate their dissatisfaction with the new system by taking their work ethic elsewhere. Perhaps Emplojer will notice and make some changes. 

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