Chuang Tzu inspires freshmen to ride motorcycles

Chris Worman
Says he wants a revolution

According to a recent L„wrenthi„n survey, 61 percent of freshman studies students reading Chuang Tzu: Basic Writings considered living pure, Taoist lives during the week or so in which the work was studied.“Man, I can’t believe Professor Vorenkamp rode in on a motorcycle on the Stansbury Stage!” said freshman Josh Rhode. “I mean, the other teachers aren’t like that. They stand at a lectern.”

Unlike other professors, Vorenkamp walked around during his lecture, and played clips from Easy Rider, or maybe it was Midnight Cowboy. The prevailing opinion remained among freshmen, that only a fully actualized man of faith would have the guts to utterly disregard convention so fully.

At a party in Colman last weekend, freshman Jennifer Roth, from Appleton, smoked pot for the first time, despite the warnings she had received as a result of her Christian upbringing.

“I mean, I’m beginning to understand,” said Roth, giggling, “that the path of least resistance is really best. Everyone’s doing it. And plus, what are rules anyway? Just an invention of… wait… WHO stole my chewy Chips Ahoys?”

Later, Roth explained that Taoism is not just an excuse for indifference and nihilism, because, no matter what you do, it is in line with the Way. So, even murder in a way helps improve life for every one.

A follow-up interview with Rhode, however, did not reveal a similar satisfaction with the book, which he never actually read. “That was a real party killer,” said Rhode, of the part where man “empties himself of all his desires and seeks a higher will.”

During class, Rhode’s professor, John Dreher, discovered absolute truth and Nirvana all at once, ascending to the pinnacle of Western and Eastern thought simultaneously, muttered something incomprehensible, and moved to Montana, where thousands of devoted followers are learning to speak like him at this very moment.

Not everyone abandoned Taoism on the first try, though. Former LUCC president Chris Worman, in freshman studies for his fourth and final year, said Chuang Tzu changed his life. He now meditates and listens to the Beatles’ Revolver nonstop.

“I am beginning to realize that I cannot change the immutable, essential facts about myself: I have red hair,” said Worman, retreating into a state of absolute karma.