Just Give Up: Lawrence Love

Erin Campbell Watson

Around hour 34, as I watched her zealously Google the infinite meanings of the word “kremlin,” I thought to myself, “I really love this girl.” I’m sure my reasoning had something to do with her usefulness, her determination and her willingness to become completely absorbed by what would otherwise seem to be a pointless task. This realization puzzled me, however, because I knew for a fact that she had not showered, changed clothes, slept or thought of anything other than useless fun facts for approximately 34 hours. Under normal circumstances, I would probably never even notice this girl. Why can’t I get her out of my head?
–Tempted by a Trivia TrystDear Tempted by a Trivia Tryst,
Don’t worry about your strange change in taste, and don’t be surprised if you end up making out on the con steps after fifty glorious hours Googling together. After hours of giving yourself over completely to the completion of an entirely pointless, thankless cause, even the slightest bit of affirmation becomes necessary for fulfillment. For this reason, trivia romances are, in fact, common. It’s a phenomenon that trivia masters have observed for years.
Why does spending 50 hours in a small, confined space with 12 other overtired, odoriferous, cranky individuals who haven’t showered, changed clothes or given any thought to personal hygiene or normal behavior standards since some time during the previous Thursday, cause them all to become so attractive to you?
Suddenly, the simplest jokes will become hilarious displays of superior wit, the smallest gestures will indicate grand favors done out of genuine love, and the sweaty, smelly, three-day-old trivia T-shirt will instantly begin doing wonders for their figure.
Some trivia masters have even been known to spontaneously ask each other on dates at the end of the weekend, only to remember that they find each other physically repulsive by Monday morning. This will probably be the case with you and your new crush. By Monday morning, you’ll be able to sweep your awkward infatuation under the rug, forget the passionate gazes you shared and remember that being overtired causes one to act in similar ways as being drunk: Judgment is impaired.