Last weekend, I hooked up with a guy whom I’ve had a huge crush on for a long time. I have imagined our relationship together for so long, and finally, I had my chance. It was like a dream come true when we made out in the basement of Big Exec, and later, when he took me downtown and they didn’t look twice at my fake ID at the Fly. As I was leaving the next morning, he called me by my best friend’s name.
Later, when I confronted her, I found out that she’d hooked up with him the night before. Not only am I infuriated, but my dreams of our blissful relationship are completely tarnished. I am offended not only because he made me look like an idiot in front of my friend, but also because I know I’m cuter than he is, and I can’t understand why he would reject me.
What do I do now that I know he is not who I thought he was?
–Not the Same GirlDear Not the Same Girl,
The true skeeziness of this dude should have become clear as soon as he led you to the basement of Big Exec to start hooking up with you. ORC party or no ORC party, it smells down there, and none of those couches are comfy.
He is the kind of guy who doesn’t really care about your comfort. You know the kind of dude I mean — the kind of guy who, when you’re kissing him, you keep your eyes open just to make sure he isn’t going anywhere he shouldn’t.
You don’t want to be with people like this anymore, because you are no longer 15, and you know how it ends now. It ends after he’s hooked up with most of your friends, ruined all your friendships without realizing it, and deleted your text messages after showing his friends and laughing at them. You can keep trying to hook up with him if you want, but know that I have taken all the surprise out of your future.
The relationship you have planned for the two of you is the furthest thing from anything he has ever imagined doing with you. He has probably not imagined doing anything with you until he accidentally starts doing it.
It is unreasonable to expect the kind of relationship you see in the “High School Musical” movies, mostly because it is impossible to have that much fun without any alcohol. Even though there is a lot of confetti and a lot of dancing in all of those movies, it is actually not even possible that anyone in that movie likes each other as much as the characters are letting on, because there is absolutely no inebriation in their relationships.
We all have to have the incredibly painful experience of being turned down by people whom we feel we are doing an outrageous favor for by even considering. It is infuriating to be rejected by someone who you were specifically not rejecting because you felt bad for him. These are not times for sorrow, however. They are times for inward reflection.
I mean, it undoubtedly sucked for Alanis Morrissette when Uncle Joey got rid of her, but as a result, she was able to write maybe the best song ever. Put that song on repeat, and determine who his best friends are through brief Facebook stalking. Approach the next weekend with a new agenda.
Love Column – jbs -mts
