Johnny and Jane University’s guide to picking a GLO -bkm -dlh

Ethan Denault

I believe it was the stubbly children’s folk hero Raffi who penned the following lyrics: “The more we get together / the happier we’ll be (to coda).” Granted, a few individuals living in Utah took this song completely the wrong way and ended up with diaper bills even Donald Trump would be hard-pressed to fund. Nevertheless Raffi’s dainty ode to tender young friendship seemed appropriate to revisit at this very special time of year.
For those who are beginning their journey through the Lawrence process, or those who simply have decided to “give it a go” this time around, second term’s traditional Rush Week can at times seem overwhelming and emotionally draining as students frantically try to place themselves within an appropriate circle of “Greek-minded” friends.
Men desiring lifelong friendships, advantageous networking opportunities, and succulent home-cooked meals often find it hard to choose between the five select fraternities residing on the Lawrence University campus. With each fraternity offering up a slightly different perspective of student life, as well as domestic continuity, deciding on a specific house demands a fair degree of discipline and aggressive marketing.
In choosing the appropriate fraternity the unaffiliated male needs to do several important things.
First, the individual needs to take a moment and analyze his personal skills. For example, if Johnny University tips the scales at 90 pounds, and is accustomed to working out only his thumbs by playing “Forgotten Realms: Demon Stone,” then I recommend highly that he begin taking an FDA approved protein shake three times a day and get a membership to Gold’s Gym or seriously reconsider turning in his Phi Delta Theta bid.
Secondly, after the individual has taken the appropriate inventory of both strengths and weaknesses, it is time to find a house which best suits these qualities. Here’s another example. Let’s say that Johnny University has a burning passion to learn the finer points of southern European dining etiquette. Chances are he’s probably not going to get much practice in the Delta Tau Delta house. Therefore if faced with the option of whether moving to Nice or joining Phi Kappa Tau, the latter would compliment Johnny’s interests to the maximum potential.
Finally, the unaffiliated male has to ask himself how much time he actually wants to dedicate to the fraternity. To use the example of Johnny University one final time, if our Johnny wants a house atmosphere with very limited expectations concerning mandatory meeting attendance, philanthropy, and other house activities etc., then Sigma Phi Epsilon may be the way to go. Whereas, if Johnny suddenly feels like bleeding Greek on a regular basis, then joining the Beta Theta Pi’s chapter is probably in order.
As we have talked about fraternities thus far let us turn our attention to sororities.
Like their masculine counterparts, sororities play a vital role in Lawrence University’s student life. With three (Delta Gamma, Kappa Kappa Gamma, Kappa Alpha Theta) excellent options for unaffiliated woman to choose from, picking a sorority can be just as difficult as selecting a fraternity. Women may also find it productive to follow the aforementioned guidelines when attempting to align themselves with a specific society.
In the end, the decision to go Greek can be both rewarding and challenging. It is important to carefully consider which organization best fits your own needs so that your sorority/fraternity experience will be something you remember long into the future.
The following is a quick guide many have found useful in their “selection quest.” Feel free to clip it out and refer to it at any time.Fraternities:
1) Delta Tau Delta. Members excel in athletics and probably don’t consider Frisbee to be a legitimate sport.
2) Beta Theta Pi. J. Crew loves them as does Banana Republic, and Express for Men.
3) Phi Delta Theta. Practicing your Inverted Facelock and Flying Headbutt is advised.
4) Phi Kappa Tau. The campus sophisticates who party with their pinkies up.
5) Sigma Phi Epsilon. Bob Marley would have been a fan … maybe in heaven he is.

Sororities:
1) Delta Gamma. These fine women have a sweet website.
2) Kappa Alpha Theta. “A lifelong opportunity for social, intellectual and moral growth.” Who can argue with that?
3) Kappa Kappa Gamma. How can you not love a bunch of women whose colors are dark and light blue? (I’m a Pisces so I may be biased.)

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