Lock up your valuables: the sky is falling

Peter Gillette

It has come to my attention that someone or some people have been stealing things, or trying to at least. People have also been vandalizing buildings (see last week’s issue of The Lawrentian, page 2).These are bad things – vandalism, theft. Here are some good things: responsibility, schoolwork (I should do more of this), and healthy living. We should do less of the bad things and more of the good.

If you see stealing-people (or, to use a presidential term, “evildoers”) , bring them to justice. I mean, you don’t have to get all vigilante on them, but it might be kind of fun. Call security at ext. 6999 and, in the meantime, consider making a citizen’s arrest.

Evildoers are bad people. Regular, Beck-fearing Lawrentians are good people. So, as we prepare for midterms, let us remember that – with evildoers lurking about – our terror alert is at an “orange” at least.

Keep things locked up, keep your wits about you, and make sure your safety whistle is always close at hand. We will get through this.