The E-Spot

Ethan Denault

So you think sprouting petunias are the only sign of summer? Nope. How about the increased number of ghostly pale bodies soaking up some sun in front of Main Hall? Wrong again, buster. The real sign of summer took place last week when university statisticians revealed that the official number of female students sporting skirts rose above the 75 percent mark for the first time since third term last year. In light of this apparent necessity to milk summer for all she’s worth, I’ve decided to outline some hot picks that are a “must have” for the fashion-savvy individual’s summer wardrobe.
Any man will tell you that it is a pair of Zegna light brown cotton flat-front shorts that really puts the “um” in “summer.” These little drops of heaven work perfectly with any collared button-down shirt, especially if paired with a variegated tie (preferably by Ralph Lauren). Breathable in certain “important areas,” while uniquely form-fitting in places that count, these shorts cling to your upper thigh like a scared koala, leaving no muscular detail hidden to the imagination. I believe figure skater Scott Hamilton owns several pairs of Zegnas, as does gruff-voiced behemoth Rosie O’Donnell – persons who exemplify classical musculature perfection in the upper thigh region.
Another summer staple a fashion-conscious man can’t live without is his John Varvatos navy cotton crew neck T-shirt. A simply stunning amalgamation of the richest cloth and finest craftsmanship, this modest peek-a-boo will delight even the gentleman with the most crass sense of fashion taste. Excellent when matched with a pair of contoured Zegna shorts (see above), or even better, a pair of Marc New York zip-front topstitched leather chaps with extra merino wool lining in the gluteus region.
What lady out there wouldn’t want to be seen in a glorious Georgette flyaway dress? Fully creased with a V-neckline and spaghetti straps, this smashing piece is sure to be a real winner whether you’re in the classroom or out for a night on the town. Sources at the Fashion Bug tell me that figure skater Scott Hamilton also happens to own several hand-made Georgette dresses imported from Switzerland, bought at the suggestion of Rosie O’Donnell. However, a word of caution: don’t pair the Georgette with the Zegnas, it ends up looking just plain dumb.
For those looking for something a little less revealing I highly recommend the ombr drop-waist dress. Again, speaking to the classical style of the Georgette, yet with increased sophistication and elegance, the ombr drop-waist dress is a must for the individual lacking, yet yearning for a touch of Scarlett O’ Hara to add character and southern flippancy to their lives.
Another popular choice is the Sandra Darren black pant power suit. This absolutely gorgeous, aggressive ensemble speaks to the wearer’s innate desire to “run with the big dogs” while at the same time earnestly mocking those who desire to “stay on the porch.” This suit is so amazing that it comes with a built in ego that will transform even the shyest kitten into a roaring lioness – complete with territorial scenting kit and collapsible male neutering device. I believe Camilla Parker Bowles has a closet full of these bad boys.
So there you have it, the top choices in men’s and women’s fashion for the summer. So get out there, and stylishly soak up some sun. You’ll see me out there – I’ll be wearing my Zegna shorts.