Romance According to Kate

Kate Ostler

(Brent Schwert)

Dear Kate,
My next-door neighbor and her boyfriend have extremely loud sex all the time. Is it out of line to knock on her door and ask if they can tone it down for a while?
-Next to a NymphoDear Next,
I’m definitely in favor of people on this campus satisfying their needs and getting it on every once in a while. But I’m not sure that it’s in everyone’s best interest for your neighbor to constantly irritate you and others on your floor with her noisy habits. I don’t think that it’s out of line for you to remind her that when she and her boyfriend are getting busy, other people – within earshot – are getting sleepy, and hoping for some quiet time.
Confronting this girl in person may prove to be extremely awkward and embarrassing for both of you, so I wouldn’t recommend a face-to-face encounter. The most effective measure to take may be to simply pound on her door and scream something along the lines of “Knock it off!” the next time that you hear them in action. You won’t have to wait around for someone to answer the door, but hopefully knocking and pleading from the hallway will clue them in on what a disturbance they are to the rest of the floor.

Dear Kate,
The other day I walked in on my roommate and his girlfriend having sex, and the encounter has left me quite shaken up. How can I make sure this doesn’t happen again?
-Worried Roomate

Dear Worried,
You and your roomie need to work out some sort of signaling system to let each other know when someone’s got a guest in the room. Tie a scarf around the doorknob. Leave a coded message on the whiteboard. Maybe, if you’re not too close to the Sage Hall stairwell, a smoke signal?
If you’re still unsure about whether the happy couple is inside enjoying each other’s company, put your ear up to the door and listen to hear for any suspicious moans or thumping noises. Also check the hallway – any women’s shoes lying around? An unfamiliar backpack? Clothes strewn about the floor, tossed aside in the midst of passionate foreplay?
These are all obvious signs of an extra guest in your room, but a surefire way to keep this from happening again is to talk to your roommate and let him know that you’d like a heads up the next time he brings his girlfriend back to your place.