Letter to the Editor: Thanks, Scott

Hey Editor,
As a poor, racist Southerner who was only accepted to Lawrence University so that I could bring “intellectual and geographical diversity” to the freshman studies table I often feel lonesome and kinda stupid when my professor told me that when I said that the “I Have a Dream” speech was wrong because those black people who are poor deserve it, that that’s the way nature works, my prof said I was being close-minded but deep down inside something told me I wasn’t bein’ close-minded but I was just being a free thinker.
Every week I read the page with the debate in the newspaper (the parts of it I understand, anyway – don’t read much) and see some dumbass Republican criticize some hippie and every week I wonder when are they going to finally take on the Arabs and be proud of it because not only stupid people are racists.
Scott Sandersfeld’s recent thing in here ’bout all the fascist Muslims who don’t support freedom made me realize we should lock them all up without mercy and let me be first in line and I’m happy ‘cuz then I realized that a guy don’t need to be stupid to be a racist. I know now that I can build my racism on a flimsy scaffolding of bullshit neo-platonic philosophy and reactionary politics. Thanks, Scott – I have told all the “freedom-loving” (you know what I mean when I say that – I mean white, of course) fellers back home about your philosophy, and before long, they’re gonna stop spending their weekends behind the hood and we’re gonna get in our Confederate pickup truck (heritage and hate, we say!) and get to the Ayn Rand Institute to think in a tank. But that’s not for me.
Well, it’s been fun going to Lawrence but since attending an objectivist meeting I realized that I been born poor and I oughta die poor and that it’s really my fault all the boys in my hall have SUVs and I don’t because they deserve them and I don’t because my daddy died driving drunk when I was 3 and he was down and out because that’s just how social Darwinism works and it’s really not right for me to be here anyway because as a Southerner at a Northern school I’m basically here on a quota anyway so I’m gonna join the military and shoot me some Islamo-fascists because if I can’t be rich at least I can do my part in making good “Western” people like Scott nice and secure, free, and prosperous.
Now, I know not all southerners are like me, but up in the north it’s all the same, and I know that not all objectivists support holy war, but you know what? There’s something to be said for moral clarity, for someone who stands up there and says what’s unpopular and is not afraid, who even expects, to be insulted for his beliefs. Respectfully submitted,
George Wallace-Rand

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