Letter to the Editor

Recently I have heard from certain journalistic acquaintances that random and pathetic outbursts of vandalism are yet again plaguing the campus of Lawrence University. While it does not bother me that Lawrence students think it incredibly revolutionary to tinker with sprinkler systems and move furniture around, the location of these occurrences disturbs me greatly. Most reports seem to be issuing from Hiett Hall, that great bastion of luxury and sloth that hundreds of undeserving and ungrateful students call “home” for 30 weeks out of the year.
Despite the dubious quality of Hiett’s residents, the acts of certain pernicious vandals are even more dubious, as well as offensive and absurd. They certainly don’t constitute a liberal-arts mindset. Why, I ask, would any Lawrence vandal take pride or invest time in vandalizing the nicest building on campus? Have they not recently tried to relax in Ormsby’s mold-infested lounge? Have they not recently relieved themselves in one of Plantz’s poorly ventilated bathrooms? Have they not lately had relations upon one of Kohler’s Depression-era cots? Have they seen Trever Hall? (In fairness to our vandals: These last two scenarios pose no difficulties to anyone. Nearly all Kohler residents are virgins, unwilling to have sex, or unsure of what it involves. And I’m told that the last time anyone saw Trever Hall was sometime in the early nineties.)
I am utterly bamboozled by the fact that our masters of destruction have not exhibited the true Lawrence difference and concentrated their efforts on one of the many aesthetically revolting structures on this campus. This may sound brazen to some, but let us not forget the words of our erstwhile friend, Machiavelli: “If you have to vandalize old stuff to get new, better stuff, it is totally justified.” If we students are going to be forced to pay collectively for the damages caused by one or two drunken rogues let us at least have the pleasure of paying to replace something that is not brand new. I fear that if Hiett Hall continues to be victimized it will surely be a crumbling ruin by February. Ironically, it would still be in better shape than any other dormitory on campus.
Alex Bunke
(Editor’s Note: No one is being charged in the most recent act of vandalism.)