Con West, Kanye West feud escalates

Steve Martin

While in Appleton for a performance at the Fox Cities Performing Arts Center, Kanye West reportedly caught wind of what he perceived as a potential threat to his career. The Con West offices have since been flooded with phone and personal threats from the hip-hop artist’s posse. The feud hit the airwaves this week with a recent recording by the enraged rapper. Kanye recently released a single entitled “The Lord’s Prayer (Suckas Stop Yo’ Trespassin’),” which includes abrasive lyrics attacking the credentials and fidelity of a number of Con West professors.
The song contains explicitly violent threats against Con West amidst flippant religious imagery inciting fear among the unassuming music professors. Professor Phillip Swan has retaliated with an atrocious arrangement of Kanye West’s “Gold Digger” for women’s choir, complete with apathetic dance moves and half-assed hand motions.
Composition professor Joanne Metcalf struck back with a serene yet ominous piece for string quartet and soprano voice entitled “Doom Begotten Rappers.” The feud, which started as a simple misunderstanding, has escalated into a cutthroat battle of musical prowess with no end in sight.
The professors of Con West refused to answer any questions regarding the feud, but Conservatory dean Robert Thayer was pleased at the diversity the feud has offered the school.
“Mr. West has inadvertently sparked a widespread interest in African-American music amongst the Conservatory students,” he added, “and besides, that f***er talks big but he ain’t sh** in mah house.