Becker: Hulk or not Hulk?

Steve Martin

Lawrence Symphony Orchestra members were stunned last Thursday as conductor David Becker squeezed blood from a stone during a rehearsal. This is just the latest in a streak of bizarre feats of strength performed by the professor of music.
Last week Becker was sighted cleaning stables, bending two rivers in order to get the job done in a single day. This has led some students to speculate as to the source of Becker’s powers.
“At first it was just normal, every day strength,” says sophomore cellist Elise Butler-Pinkham, “but now he’ll sometimes roar into a rage and tear down half the Chapel. He always cleans up after himself, but it’s still pretty weird.”
Rumors abound regarding Becker’s unnatural strength, but one explanation has gained much support: David Becker is the Incredible Hulk.
“Just think about it,” exclaims Dean of the Conservatory Robert Thayer. “Like the Hulk, Becker is huge, prone to fits of rage, and turns bright green before he starts smashing stuff. Man, our orchestra is going take off once Becker wipes out Oberlin.”
Becker could not be reached for commentary due to his week-long destruction tout of the Midwest.