“Lawrence Bubble” now real bubble

Steve Martin

Students returning from spring break were shocked to find the oft-mentioned Lawrence Bubble is now a reality.
“Lawrence Bubble” used to refer to the isolation Lawrentians feel from the world at large. Now, however, the Lawrence Bubble is a glass dome 1000 yards in diameter and a quarter of a mile tall.
The most striking development is the announcement that the Bubble was not created by the university, or by anyone at all. According to reports, the Lawrence Bubble has manifested itself of its own free will.
“We don’t know much about it yet,” said dean of students Nancy Truesdell. “All we know is that it appeared on the Thursday of spring break sometime late in the night. We aren’t too concerned about its presence right now, and are confident this will play out without too much inconvenience.”
Some students aren’t as optimistic.
“For the love of God, get me out of here!” screamed sophomore Andy Olson. “I can’t breathe, and I haven’t eaten in four days! Oh sweet Jesus, have mercy! I don’t want to die!”
The source of Andy’s concern comes from the fact that this large dome doesn’t let air in or out of it, let alone people. There is currently no solution to help the starving students inside.
“We’re looking into options to get the students out,” said Truesdell, “but hiring all those fellows cost a lot of money, so we don’t have much for resources to breach the Bubble.