I have this easygoing physical relationship with a “friend” and it’s been going fairly well so far. However, as I am graduating soon, I don’t think I want to start a real relationship with her. Should I go with the flow or should I let her know that we don’t have a future? HELP ME!
— The Busy BeeOh Mr. Bumble. This sounds like one of those truly complicated relationships we so often hear about. Advice on this subject is difficult because each case is different. From what I can tell from your situation, you are unsure about starting a relationship because you are departing from this glorious school soon. This is a reasonable thought. However, I would have to tell you that you — or anyone — shouldn’t prevent romance from flourishing at any time.
In this situation it is reasonably difficult to let yourself get involved and attached — you are going to a new place soon. But keep in mind that you are still here for a good five months more. That’s a fairly long time, and if you hypothetically last that long, then maybe you should consider maintaining contact with that person. If you are always thinking about and living for the future, you are limiting yourself from enjoying and getting the most out of the present.
That is not to say that one should think their actions have no consequences. Keep in mind that if you continue this “easygoing physical relationship” with your “friend,” feelings may be hurt on both sides.
Obviously you are suffering from commitment issues that are hindering your true feelings for your friend. The best advice I can give you is to be completely honest with your friend and yourself and see what happens. Continual communication in this situation is a necessity in order for people to understand what is going on.
Bottom line, go with the flow and enjoy your “friend’s” company. Regardless of what some people think, college relationships do not have to be casual for soon-to-be grads like you. Just be honest with each other and make sure both parties don’t expect to be Mr. and Mrs. Bumble. At the same time, don’t be a hornet and think only with your stinger — be fair to the other person and yourself. Don’t let the physical aspect be the only thing the relationship is based on. That usually ends poorly.
Be both the Hornet and the Bumblebee, all in one, and enjoy the presence of your sweet flower, but be responsible and smart when busily pollinating.