Column Contest Submissions

Drew Baumgartner

This week, the other column contest contestants and I were asked by The Lawrentian to submit a prototype column that exemplifies what we would actually do if we won the contest. I didn’t want to just come out and say “no,” which I think I avoided quite nicely by writing this sentence.
Wait, I have to do something with a column?
Honestly, I’d just be pandering if I changed the column now. I can’t just include substance because it’s the only thing people are interested in reading. This column wouldn’t be any fun to write if I didn’t find it entertaining.
Don’t get me wrong-I applaud the other contestants for being topical and informative, but that’s what they want to write. I have no such interest.
I think that offers a nice balance for the contest. On the one hand, we have Jamie McFarlin’s globally minded column, on the other is Chiara Park Terzuolo’s more Lawrence community-oriented entry. Then we have my column, which is essentially to, for, and about itself, if anything.
The first is bound to inform us about important issues. The second promises to introduce us to a host of interesting Lawrentians. Maybe we could print mine in an interesting color or something.
Okay, enough graceful sportsmanship. This column was only designed to talk about one column, and I’m afraid I just know more about mine.
I’m really pleased with that transition, so I’m going to leave it in, though I actually want to talk about something that isn’t this column. Please forgive this transition for not going as smoothly.
Speaking of Trivia, the Great Midwest Trivia Contest weekend is upon us, and I just want to address those who are planning on not participating.
Now, I’m not going to tell you that you should play (though I should, because you should), I just want you to understand how important Trivia is to so many people. Many of us live a year in those 50 hours, and to treat it like some little campus event is to tell us that we’ve wasted a significant portion of our lives. Sure, we’re fanatics, but you should try to avoid insulting fanatics. Oh, and only idiots don’t play trivia.
Just so we’re clear.
So, is this column prototypical? Do I plan on writing about things or not? Will it just be questions from now on?
Is “I don’t care” an acceptable answer?
I’d like to keep my options open as far as actual format goes. That way, I can be topical when I want, and won’t feel like I have to when I don’t. What could be better than that?