(Brent Schwert)
I am writing in response to the Jan. 26 Photo Poll. Lawrence University students expect a certain level of taste and decency among their peers. In the time that I have studied here, I have always admired the politeness, political correctness, and charming banality of the student body. Indeed, there is a kind of serenity that comes with the absence of anything remotely unconventional or needlessly stimulating. “Boat-rocking” is a thing to be abhorred at Lawrence.
In the Jan. 26 installment of the Photo Poll, Keegan White ventured a response so utterly offensive and revolting that I can scarcely believe I am dignifying it with this brief polemic. Mr. White’s assertion that Lawrence should be moved to Ground Zero because “it’s [sic] open” left me reeling in shock and gasping for breath. Surely Mr. White must know that the students of Lawrence are not used to such dangerous and potentially controversial utterances. Even as I was exiting Downer on Friday night, I noticed no less than three freshmen women holding the newspaper and weeping uncontrollably. A friend of mine, also offended by the comment, informed me that he was planning to burn Sage Hall’s copies of The Lawrentian in order to protect unsuspecting readers from unnecessary confusion and woe. I must admonish The Lawrentian for publishing this monstrosity. The Lawrentian needs to focus on publishing insightful articles regarding beverage vendors, missing microscopes, lukewarm attempts at vandalism, luncheons, and wildly successful athletic teams. At the very least, I ask The Lawrentian to carefully censor the gross and unreadable opinions of such crude charlatans and boat-rockers. I take comfort, however, in knowing that Mr. White’s career as a well-respected student at Lawrence is over. I have petitioned President Beck to banish him to the basement of Trever, where he will no longer be a threat to the student body of this reputable institution.Alex Bunke
Class of 2009
