Let Them Drink Adler Brau

Kehoe, Jim
“The Roving Reporter”

As plans for the inauguration of the New Viking Room neared completion this past week, observers of Lawrence society have noted that everyone is “atwitter” waiting for their invitation to the gala affair.As reported earlier, the event being held this afternoon will be by “invitation only.” A highly placed source in the Union hierarchy has indicated, “Only faculty dignitaries and Student VIP’s [sic] will be asked to attend. You know – department heads, student presidents, and campus royalty.”

The agenda, to be engraved on bar coasters, will consist of remarks by the guest of honor President Curtis W. Tarr, who will then cut a silk ribbon trimmed in black velvet placed across the recently renovated door to the new Viking Room. After a toast, all in attendance are scheduled to smash their glasses in the unrenovated fireplace-after paying a ten cent deposit.

More toasts and speeches will follow the unveiling of the New Mural, which one informed art expert described the work [sic] as an excellent example of the upper paleolithic art school. The New Mural will supposedly relate the history of Lawrence in Sanskrit symbolism.

Entertainment will follow with songs by the Jimmy Murray Quartet, which will reportedly perform “Off We Go Into the Wild Blue Yonder,” “the Wisconsin Governor’s March,” all at the request of the guest of honor.

The same Union source confessed, “We really wanted to get the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and the United States Marine Corps Band, but they have been booked solid in Washington since January. We had to settle for the quartet and maybe the jukebox.”

There reportedly has been much student unrest over what is felt to be unjust discrimination in the exclusiveness of the inauguration ceremonies.

In an impassioned speech during the past week, one rebellious student leader shouted, “Are we going to sell out to the student establishment? Are we going to allow the student bourgeoisic [sic] to take over our new Viking Room, which we have toiled and campaigned for so long?”

It is not known whether rebel students plan to storm the ceremonies, but hardened, riot-trained ROTC cadets will be on alert all this afternoon, mounted on the new garbage truck and gym bus, which can both be quickly converted into armored personnel carriers. The cadets have been seen holding maneuvers in the Union area.

When asked about possible disturbances, one guest, an independent king traveling with his portable five man court and kingdom, answered, “If they want beer, let them drink Adler Brau.”

An outside observer, recently arrived on campus, asked what the ceremonies and furor were about. He received the answer, “The opening of a bar.”

He replied, “Oh.