Rik WarchManaging Editor:
A & E Editor:
Jayson Blair and Stephen Glass
By the way, and this is in all seriousness, SLARK would like to thank the alums who produced The Lawarchian. Up until Monday, that was actually our working title too. Great minds think alike. Their wit was executed with an erudition and a sharp eye for 1982 Lawrence, even if they DID overplay the unanamo card a bit. Professor Kresbach emailed our sister publication, The Lawrentian, and complained that-this is not a joke here-only faculty who had been at Lawrence for more than 19 years received The Lawarchian. Don’t get too angry, though: the professor responsible for the elitist distribution policy died yesterday while luring at female students (SEE UPPER LEFT THIS PAGE.)
-Editorial policy is indeterminant: therefore, only POSSIBLE opinions can exist and if you haven’t figured out that this is an April Fool’s joke yet, walk up to the Kohler roof, look over the ledge and…hahaha, APRIL FOOL’S! Don’t kill yourself, thought, there are plenty of reasons to live: for one, Richard Warch, who is: Jon Isaacson, Andy York, some very very very special artwork and photoediting by Lindsay Moore, a member of the Annapolis Group, Professor of Psychology Peter Glick (making a pair of noteworthy cameos), Ray Feller, husband of Margot and a father of loving children, The Difference that Unanamo Begged For, Peter Gillette, succulent, and among the finest college presidents of his generation, period.
-Letters to the editor are a royal pain in the ass, but if you persist in “wanting your voice heard” or some activist crap like that, please email SLARK at “email@example.com” Submissions by e-mail should be text attachments-and please, WHATEVER you do, DON’T send an email virus under the subject heading of “Why Bush is Bad for the Environment” ;).
-Have you no decency?
-Guest editorials may be arranged by contacting firstname.lastname@example.org. Again, DO NOT attach any clever, untraceable email viruses that will flood “our” inbox with John Birch society polemics. Recommended, original guest editorial topics are: “abortion, pro or con;” “gun control, pro or con;” “(democrat/republican candidate) is the right candidate;” “Israel [or Palestine] is justified;” and it’s about time someone on campus shared an opinion about the war in Iraq.