Warch inspired to make his creative dreams REAL

Rik Warch
succulent wild man

SARK proves that, like RAW, she also has the occasional “not-so-creative” dream.

Inspired by recent Convocation speaker, author, and new age guru SARK’s proclamation that he is a “succulent, wild man,” President Richard Warch has officially changed his name to the acronym RAW. “It came to me in an intense, erotic dream,” RAW said, “[long-dead former LU President Samuel] Plantz appeared to me and said ‘You will henceforth be known as Richard Aphrodite Warch.” He added that the acronym simultaneously stands for “Rowdy And Wild,” which “really sums up my new persona.” RAW immediately declared that “the Senior Streak is back on, baby, and I’ll be leading the way!”RAW’s transformation came after spending the day “eating mangoes naked with SARK” who “made me realize how I had long denied my wild succulence,” but “that’s all over” stated RAW, who appeared in Sampson House in colorful robes rather than his usual, staid khaki pants, navy blazer, and school tie. “I have found the ‘magic cottage’ that exists inside of me and everyone’s invited to come in and play there – just be sure to take your shoes off before stepping on the carpet.” Ever since SARK officially revealed his wild succulence, RAW has experienced a “constant state of ecstasy” and feels “radiant.”

Incoming LU President Jill Beck said that she and the Board of Trustees were thrilled that President Warch had finally “discovered his succulence” but urged RAW to confine the naked mango eating to his home, rather than his highly visible Sampson House office.

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