Romance According to Kate

Kate Ostler

Dear Kate,
How can I lose my sketchy reputation and find a nice girl to settle down with?
– Solo in SageDear Solo,
First off, start with the basics: try to refrain from prolonged public drunkenness, clear up any outstanding arrest warrants with the Appleton Police Department, and please, do break your habit of spitting on the sidewalk. After those things are taken care of, find out what kind of significant other you’re really interested in. Oftentimes, it’s easier to determine what you aren’t looking for in a prospective mate, and go from there. In my opinion, “nice” girls are frequently overrated. Maybe you’re more compatible with someone who challenges you? Get the word out: let your friends know that you’re back in the game, tell them to be on the lookout for someone they think you may like. When you do decide to try and make it happen, be friendly and engaging, but make sure you don’t sacrifice any aspects of your true personality. Besides, the person you end up with may likely find your seemingly sketchy demeanor to be harmlessly endearing and altogether charming.

Dear Kate,
I am deathly afraid of vaginas. What can I do to overcome my fear?
– I Hear They Have Teeth?!

Dear Hear,
Admittedly, vaginas can be very scary things. However, contrary to popular belief, they do not have teeth. I would imagine that, like you, many men are afraid of the unknown. I say: start slow. Perhaps you could begin by enjoying some of Chef Bob’s deliciously prepared mussels, served in Downer “C” line. Or if you’re more of a visual learner, check out the library’s selection of anatomy texts on the third floor of the Mudd. You’ll find plenty of pictures and enough diagrams to draw a handy map. Another great way to learn about vaginas is to read through Eve Ensler’s “Vagina Monologues,” a touching (excuse the pun) and diverse collection of stories adapted from interviews with real women about their own vaginas. Hopefully you’ll overcome this fear, and soon I’ll be advising you on how to fend off all the ladies! Good luck!

Send your questions about love, relationships, and sex to Kate Ostler’s mailbox at the Info Desk.