The idea that Favre should replace God at the top of the food chain is laughable. Just consider some of God’s attributes. First, God is infallible. Favre has won a bunch of football games, but he has also lost a lot, including every critical game since the 1997 Super Bowl. God, on the other hand, has never lost a game. Perhaps God should replace Brett Favre and show the Patriots how to really complete a perfect season.God is also omnipresent. Favre plays one position because he can only be in one place at the same time. God, however, is all over the field. Who’s that dying on the cross? Descending to earth as a cute little dove? Coming back as Eric Clapton? God, God, and God. If he played quarterback, God would throw a million passes – to himself.
But why am I defending God when he has already defended himself against any blasphemous charges? As he said in Exodus, “I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. “So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey. So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.” God said to Moses, “I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you.'” This passage displays God’s amazing rhetorical skills. Brett Favre, however, can barely make it through a press conference without crying. Favre’s overly-groomed stubble is also womanly in comparison to God’s awesome beard. God is the real tough one: Brett Favre is only hated in Illinois and Minnesota whereas God is hated by communist countries, the democratic party, Scandinavia and liberal arts colleges. Furthermore, God will still be relevant even after Peyton Manning and Eli Manning incestuously crossbreed the uber-quaterback, but Favre won’t. The biggest argument for God, however, is that he never took painkillers. While being nailed repeatedly by 275-pound linebacker undoubtedly sucks, being nailed to a cross as you are left to die is far worse. Plus, Brett Favre was still loved by all even as he harbored these illegal addictions. Jesus not only suffered the humiliation of being wrongly accused, but was also taunted by sinful Romans and those ever-annoying Pharisees. But God persevered through this traumatizing ordeal and resurrected himself. God is superior to Favre despite facing greater adversity. Granted, having your jersey hung in a famous stadium is one form of immortality, but God has already surpassed this with two jerseys: the Shroud of Turin and the cloak of Guadalupe. True immortality, however, is living in the hearts, minds and actions of the righteous. In this regard, God never fails.