Iran denies World Cup loss

Dorothy Wickens

Last week, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad invited numerous soccer commentators and former soccer players to Tehran for a three-day conference in an attempt to validate his claim that Iran did not actually lose during the 2006 World Cup. Iran finished at the bottom of Group D, only claiming a single point from a draw with Angola.
It was unclear if Ahmadinejad insinuated that Iran won the World Cup, since after leaving the first round, any team that loses is immediately eliminated from the tournament. This leaves the only team not to lose, after the first round, as the champion; following Ahmadinejad’s logic, this winner would be Iran.
President Ahmadinejad is the most prominent Holocaust denier. He also famously claimed in a speech last fall at Columbia that, “there are no gays in Iran.” As both are accepted among historians and sociologists, the Western world reacted to these claims with disbelief and anger. “It’s infuriating,” said Lawrence sophomore Michael Smith. “I mean those claims about the Holocaust and gays are ridiculous enough by themselves, but how can someone watch a game of soccer and deny that one team lost? It’s right there on the screen!”George Bush released a comment in response to the conference saying, “Ahmadinejad has further lost credibility in the eyes of the international. The people of the Iran want the truth, no matter how harsh it is. As president of the United States, I will boldly admit that our national team’s performance in the 2006 World Cup was absolutely horrible and pathetic. There is no excuse to lose to some team from Africa, I can’t even remember which one it is. I will unfortunately pass a dysfunctional national soccer team to my predecessor, which has become my only regret about my eight years in the White House. ” After gathering himself from one of his rare public emotional breakdowns, Bush returned back to the subject and said, “The Iranian people deserve the truth, the whole truth. It’s time that Ahmadinejad brought freedom back to his nation’s political sphere.”
The U.N. has threatened to place further sanctions on Iran until they take responsibility for the poor play during the famous tournament.

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