Sage falls into hole -ama

Anne Aaker

After weeks of enduring the rolling aftershocks resulting from the construction of the new campus center, Russell Sage Hall finally gave a great sigh and fell gracelessly off the hillside on Tuesday, April 1.
The 91-year-old structure, which housed a reasonably large number of Lawrence students, fell victim to the robust moves the Boldt Construction company has been putting on the hillside next door to the residence hall formerly known as Sage.
The students in the building at the time were thankfully crowded together on the fourth floor, where they were inspecting a broken microwave. They all survived, suffering only minor cuts and rug burns. In fact the only casualties were two gerbils that, unfortunately for them, were being kept on the first floor.
Though many students feel that Sage will be missed, many personages in other areas of the university feel that the time wasted on Sage upkeep can now be used to build and increase the time spent on the construction site.
“We ***will**** eventually get the bricks and such off the ground,” said a university representative. “It’s not our top priority, however. Construction is our priority — not ***de***struction! And right now our very top priority is building this student center.” The fruits of which, as many upperclassmen have noticed, will not be harvested for months, maybe years, to come.
If you were a resident of Sage Hall, you may come to the destruction site tomorrow afternoon and find your belongings. In the meantime, housing will be provided for those who lost their habitat within a week.

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