M: You’re too scared to express affection in public, you never listen to me and I mean why should you? You never treat me like your intellectual equal and always avoid engaging me in elevated conversation. J: What do you mean? M: When’s the last time we had a good conversation? J: Well. M: Let’s just try to have an intelligent conversation, James. Engage me! J: Well, what are some of your favorite bathrooms on campus? M: Well, definitely not the Plantz, Ormsby, Sage, Trever or Colman bathrooms. J: Especially the Trever male bathrooms. M: Well they’re all pretty much co-ed anyways. At least on weekends. J: Yeah, that’s true, which stirs things up a little, especially have when you’re sitting in a stall with diarrhea and the guy across the hall brings his girlfriend in with him to have a talk about the state of their relationship. M: What about Brokaw? Have you ever been in the one in Brokaw? J: Nope. M: Me either. J: Who wants to go in there anyways. Well what about Hiett? It’s hard to argue against having your own bathroom. M: Yea, if you don’t mind the loud, powerful toilet flushes. J: Oh, I actually have a funny story about that. One time I accidentally leaned back and pushed down the flush handle with my elbow before I was finished. Wowwweee!!! But I think the best bathrooms are really in the non-residence halls. M: I love the library’s bathrooms! Have you ever been to the library basement bathroom? J: Library basement? M: Yeah, you can only access it through the career center. It’s where I go when I need “Madhuri time.” J: Yea, that’s why I’m not a big fan of the second floor one. I mean the spacing is fine, but all those people sit at those tables with nothing to distract them except for your entering and exiting the bathroom, often separated by a 15 minute interval. I mean, it’s nothing terrible, but anything to keep library awkwardness to a minimum. M: Hmm, you don’t seem to follow that philosophy very often. J: But as I was saying, third floor. Still spacy but more private. Ding ding! M: That’s your favorite? J: Nah, not my favorite, but a pretty good one nonetheless. You know, I just tried main hall’s third floor bathroom out recently for the first time. It was pretty exciting, although I didn’t use the stalls, which I know partially discredits any assessment of a bathroom. M: I know that bathroom and those stalls, and I agree it is quite lovely. Much better than the scrunched one on second floor. J: Agreed. One wavelength, we are. But wait, what do you think about Downer? M: Well, the water’s too hot, although for anyone who has worked at Downer, the downstairs one is alright. J: I agree on the water, although I like the fluffy soap. But ultimately, it’s a no-go, because I don’t like mixing my intake with my. M: Indeed! Maybe I was wrong about you. J: Dinner, tomorrow? Just you, me and Downer C? M: Oh, James (blushing).