The LU fencing team was hoping for a nice quiet spring term to recuperate from their tiring tournament season. But, alas! No such luck for our favorite swordsmen/women, who — in their entirety — were officially challenged to a duel. The contender, a mysterious man with six fingers on his left hand and a penchant for creepy mustaches, has not yet revealed his motives. “What I do, and with whom, is my own business,” he is quoted as saying. “Now get away from me with those microphones, or you will become extremely familiar with my blade.” Will this mysterious man, obviously a master of the art of innuendo, also be a master of the sword? Can he truly survive the human barrage that is Nils “Thor” Schaede, or the expert timing of the foil team? Can he defend against the fierce concentration of Elise “two-meters” Pfaltzgraff? The world waits with bated breath.