Do what you’ve got to do

Micah Paisner

Earlier this week, I saw something that particularly struck me. While sitting in the café, half enjoying a meal, I overheard two Lawrentians discussing a pertinent matter. For this encounter, I will refer to the first Lawrentian as Franklin F. Newberry and the second Lawrentian as Selma Q. Marzipan.
Newberry quietly complained that he had been waiting for over 14 minutes for a bagel sandwich. Marzipan agreed that this was a problem. What they couldn’t agree on was the course of action to take. Should they bring up the issue with the staff, or should they complain to a passerby?
In the end, they did neither. Six minutes later, Newberry heard “bagel 67” and dejectedly trotted up to the serving apparatus, grabbed his bagel and ran away, never to enter the café again.
We all make these mistakes, myself included. I’ve noticed that many people are hesitant to stand up for themselves or do something proactive that might be slightly out of their comfort zone.
The truth is that a time comes along when you just have to do it. Sometimes I just flat out hate waking up in the morning. So what do I do? Drink coffee. Go to bed a little earlier. Anything. I do what I have to do to get the job done. That’s a belief structure I can get behind. So here are a few tips that I feel will help you solve your future problems.
First, always be assertive. No one will take you seriously if you don’t assert yourself. And by assertive, I mean talk down to people. Walk all over them. Show them you’re smarter, tougher and just all around better at everything. If you do this, they will cower and walk away with their metaphorical tail between their legs. Then you can do whatever you want and always get your way.
Next, don’t be afraid to break the rules. For example, if you were engaging in a fight on the beach, how would you ensure that you come out victorious? You bend down, scoop up some sand and fling it in your opponent’s eyes. This then leaves you with two options. You can run away, or you can take a couple of cheap shots while your opponent is temporarily blinded.
Both options have their merits. If you choose the former, you are the one who backs down, but you still did the most damage. Your opponent wasn’t able to injure you in any way. Now, if you choose the latter, you have the option of completely annihilating this person. I would opt for the latter.
And finally, be willing to do anything. Often times, a false sense of pride can go a long way. Let’s say that you’re up for a promotion, but you’ve got ample competition. Here’s what you do: Go to your boss’s office and speak in a low voice. Speaking in such a way requires more attention from the listening party, and that’s exactly what you want.
So, when your boss leans in close, you very slowly, while never breaking eye contact, say, “I will do anything to get this job. I will kill every candidate if it’s necessary.” This will prove that you are passionate, hard working and slightly maniacal. But most important of all, it will ensure that your boss will never take you for granted again. Threats do that.
So what do I want you to take away from this article? That life is full of hard choices. You do what you’ve got to do to get the job done.

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