Ariel

Jonathan Edewards

Since 1897, the Ariel has preserved the Lawrence experience as the university yearbook. Like the Lawrentian, it is an entirely student-run organization, a completely extracurricular activity. The Ariel is published in the fall following the year it covers and is distributed free of charge to every returning student and mailed to graduates.
The much-anticipated 2003 edition will be issued in November. The 2004 edition, however, is up to you. Ariel editors Justine Reimnitz and Jonathan Edewards, along with much of the 2003 staff, have either graduated or will be off-campus this year. Thus, the Ariel needs several new editors and new staff members.
Fortunately, maybe, part-time freshman Eugene C. Zneigle has volunteered to give the Ariel the direction it needs. Zneigle has a revolutionary new vision for Ariel: “For over a hundred years,” Zneigle said in an interview, “the Ariel has been doing the same old thing-capturing memories, taking great photos, yada, yada, yada. It’s time for something new, something different, something with ZEST! Fuhget about the Lawrence Yearbook-it’s time for the Lawrence Earbook!!” As he shouts this, he jumps to his feet, pumping the air with his fist.
Zneigle, who can hear a rat scuttling across the sidewalk a block away and who holds the Guinness World Record for “most acute hearing,” envisions student mug shots taken from the side (he claims to be able to read personality and fortunes based on the curvature of the earlobe), “Heard Through the Grapevine” (a gossip section), and a full-color, pull-out poster of earwax artwork. When asked if there was an explanation for his special gift, Zneigle grins and tugs at his earlobe, “You know what they say-size matters!”
Needless to say, Zneigle’s plans have caused consternation in some quarters. Reports from Riverside Cemetery about recent disturbances indicate that former Ariel editors may be turning over in their graves. When told of the planned Earbook, LU president Richard Warch was indignant. “There are few precedents for this degree of silliness,” he reflected, “Although, there was that one time when admissions tried to recruit more Italian students and proposed that we change the name of the institution to ‘Flawrence University.’
Members of LUCC, who allotted over $30,000 to the Ariel, feel tricked. “We aren’t taking this #@%$ lying down!” said president Jacques Hacquebord, and vowed to remove Zneigle from his position. “Hopefully, somebody who’s competent and at least semi-normal will step up and take over.”
“They better,” he snarled, “or there won’t be a yearbook!”
And that’s the way the cookie crumbles. If you have experience with or a desire to learn about high-quality photography using a SLR camera, graphic design and layout, writing, or artwork, please help the yearbook out! Stop by at the activities fair, call x6772, or come to the first meeting: Thurs., 9/25, 8:30pm, Mursell House. It’s up to you to make the yearbook great, or at least better than this article.

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