What Do You Do All Day? -dlh

Beth McHenry

Do you ever wonder who is in charge of pushing all the papers on campus? Who files all that meaningless garbage that comes and goes in campus mail envelopes? Look no further than Dan Winklepleck, dean of meaningless paperwork. Dan single-handedly tackles all of the most mundane jobs on campus, but still gushes that working for Lawrence is “better than working for a sewage plant.”
Next time you’re walking past Taste of Thai, be sure to stop by Dan’s office. His desk is nestled in the basement of the fine eatery and the scent of quality ethnic food pervades the room. Dan is the first to admit that very few people stop by his office, but that doesn’t stop him from staying involved with Lawrence’s student body. Dan says, amid chuckles, “If anyone shows up, I politely invite them to make an appointment with my secretary. After a few days, they usually figure out that I don’t have one… Hah!”
With the mention of a secretary, Dan launches into a tirade about the lack of university funding in his department. Don’t think that this man is bitter though! As I speak with Dan, I realize that here is a man who is completely devoted to Lawrence.
Dan started working for Lawrence eight years ago, when an entry-level position with campus mail was the only job he could get after five years in jail for possession of crack cocaine. Since then, Dan has only moved up in the world and owes his current position to his hard work and good attitude.
When I ask Dan what his favorite part of his job is, he replies quickly and confidently: “Vacation days. And sick days too. Last time I took one of those, I spent the weekend in Vegas.”
And what is Dan’s advice for students? “Stay away from crack kids, or you’ll end up in a shithole.

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