Net Reg goes perfectly -jcr -dlh

Paul Karner

Lawrence Registrar Anne Norman was pleased to announce this week that the move to online registration went through without a single error. Though the flawless transition came as no surprise to the registrar’s office staff, students were pleased to see that the incessant obstacles and delays that plagued the old fashioned walk-in system had been swiftly and completely eradicated. “The new system worked without a single hitch,” Norman stated, “and here at the office we were especially delighted to go through an entire first week without even one student complaint about his or her schedule.”
For the first time in Lawrence history, every student was able to efficiently choose his or her schedule online without dealing with add/drop forms or the notoriously long lines on the first day of classes. Registration was accomplished using Voyager, an online service that students access daily to check their performance reports, degree requirements, and financial aid status. Students were able to register according to their own schedules at a location that was literally within arms reach.
Norman claimed that the $25 late fee charged for course additions after the registration period had ended will soon be a thing of the past, as all students were registered before the deadline. The Faculty Subcommittee on Administration celebrated at the VR after receiving not a one pesky petition due to tardy add/drop submissions.
Nancy Truesdell attributes much of the success of the new “Net Reg” system to the online practice sessions offered through Voyager prior to the transition. “We were pleased *********– but again, not surprised **********– to see that every student went through with the Net Reg simulation,” Truesdell declared. “This unanimous support from our enthusiastic student body was the real glue that made Net Reg come together.” Truesdell added that the most recent online survey showed unanimous satisfaction with the new registration system among students and faculty.
There was one lone casualty, however, as Professor Bert Goldgar died while delivering an erudite telephone tirade to a Computer Services helpdesk employee after he was unable to access his Voyager account, which the late professor checked every hour on the hour.
The employee told him that his desired password, “HMSSWALLOW,” was too long and would have to be changed once and for all.
“Oh, this is just great. Mark [Dintenfass] put you up to this, didn’t he?” Goldgar sneered. “And as for you,” he told the employee, “they sure fucked you up, your mum and dad.”
A tape-recording of the call revealed a strange, prolonged cackle that Richard Yatzeck called “Phillip Larkin’s last laugh.”
The Lawrence community looks forward to smooth and impeccable registration in coming years. The Registrar’s office staff agrees that they are eager for the next registration period to begin. “The only problem,” Norman said, “is that the office is a little lonely now [Laughs].