Facebook Counterpoint (Nein Dieter) -dlh

Beth McHenry

Yesterday I opened up my Facebook account to catch up on my friends and general news around campus and what do I find but an invitation for friendship. So I’m expected to confirm or deny that “Dieter” from my German class is really my friend.
Dieter, are you serious? Sure, we’ve been comparing our dream vacations, pets from childhood, and hair color for the past three weeks, but apart from a few conversations in broken German that we may or may not have understood about information that may or may not have been true, I don’t really know anything about you. Now, I’m expected to make a tragic choice.
First, I could confirm Dieter, but then am I expected to acknowledge him in social situations? Am I obligated to peruse his favorite movies, dating status, and favorite personal quote? And, worse, what happens when my friends see him in my “Friends” list?
Or, I could deny Dieter, but then would he scorn me? Will my perky, friendly reputation be forever tarnished?
And then, the third and most popular choice… I can just let Dieter’s pitiful bid for friendship rot in my “Confirm Friend” box forever. Dieter will believe that I’m just a very busy person or that the network has been notoriously bad lately.
No, fellow Lawrentians! I will not take the easy way out. Dieter is not my friend! He has never been my friend! Nein, Dieter! You ask for my friendship and my answer is a resounding, “Nein!”
Lawrentians, stand with me now. Deny your enemies, casual acquaintances, and the creepy drunk guy who always approaches you at Downer brunch. Dieter, I declare for all of us: Friendship denied.