Dear Kate,
I’ve been seeing this guy. Physically, things are great between us. Intellectually though, he’s . dumb. Should I stick around and have a good time with him, or move on to better prospects?
-Wise Enough to WonderDear Wise,
You may feel like a know-it-all or an elitist admitting that you and your beau are not on the same page when it comes to discussing literature, art or even common sense, but the fact remains that you’re looking for more than just the physical aspects of a romantic relationship.
Before deciding whether to pursue this further, you should consider a few things. Be sure that this relationship isn’t stifling your interests or creativity. Ideally, you should be able to speak your mind and articulate your ideas without feeling like you need to dumb them down or gloss over important details.
Make sure you aren’t completely discounting the importance of physical attraction and excitement. Just because this guy’s intellect doesn’t match that of the average Lawrentian columnist doesn’t mean you won’t be attracted to him or won’t enjoy spending time with him. It’s important to keep in mind that not all pairings are going to be a perfect match, but you shouldn’t feel like you need to limit yourself in order to get by with someone else.
Dear Kate,
My situation doesn’t necessarily concern my romantic situation – or lack thereof – but I’m getting fed up with it, nonetheless. My best friend’s got this new boyfriend, and I rarely see her anymore. What’s up?
-Lonely Near Landis-Peabody
Dear Lonely,
Sounds like your friend is caught up in someone whom she really enjoys, but it’s difficult to be happy for her when she has apparently forgotten about you.
It seems like she and her boyfriend are understandably spending a lot of time together, and she may have simply overlooked your feelings. It’s likely that she doesn’t realize that her new relationship has taken up time that the two of you used to spend together. Mention something to her about how you’re feeling.
Your friend may be thinking that she’s got more riding on her romance than on your friendship. You need to let your friend know that just because you won’t necessarily “break up” with her doesn’t mean you aren’t worth her time or that she doesn’t need to put as much effort into making you a part of her life.
Send questions to Kate Ostler’s mailbox at the Information Desk.