Funny Cigs smoke Your Mom to reach title game

Phil Roy

I trekked across the cobbled path, which was only a short time ago crowded with birthday-suited seniors, to the rec center to witness LU athletics and recreation in its true colors and glory. The colors were skins versus shirts, and the glory, the coveted title of Intramural Basketball Champion.
I made my way through the bleachers to take my reserved seat in the press box to witness the first of two semifinals. The air was thick with anticipation and an odor that I couldn’t manage to put my finger on, which followed one of the semifinal teams.
The teams squaring off against each other in this first semifinal were the veteran squad The Funny Cigarettes and Your Mom, a team that boasts two varsity ballers.
The Funny Cigarettes are led by IM veteran, team captain and owner Anthony Totoraitis.
Toto, with years of experience in the league, attributes his success to tactical recruiting and big player acquisitions in the off season.
“It’s all about free agency,” said Toto. “Like the Patriots, we make a lot of moves and end up with the right guys.”
Toto’s squad includes fellow veteran “Bird,” the towering Josh Richie, Ben Webster, Andrew Schneider, Jordan Clark, and the team’s go-to guy Billy Bodle.
Your Mom features the talented duo of Matt “Oz” Osland and Ryan Knox, with support coming from an athletic fishbowl including John “D-Bar” Dunbar, Sebastian “C-Bass” Specks, Joe “Joe” Sluhoski and Phil Keith.
The Funny Cigarettes were quick to assert control and were up 14-9, when Bodle catapulted their lead up to 23-9 with three straight treys in a little over a minute.
Your Mom fought back, milking the one-two combination of Oz and Knox to stay within striking distance. Oz dropped 15 in the first half, with Knox contributing 10 as the teams entered the break with The Funny Cigs up 46-34.
Toto and company did not look complacent, and with good reason. The Cigs played Your Mom in their regular season finale and squandered a 15-point lead to see them lose the encounter by a single point.
Bad blood between the two teams was more than evident when a couple of spats broke out as the teams lined up for the water fountain.
With the “Senior Streak” fresh in most players’ memories, most verbal jabs were “below the belt” and therefore not appropriate to print. When the smoke cleared and the sweat-glisten dulled, the teams were ready to go again.
The second half saw Ryan Knox drop four from behind the arc to keep the scoreboard ticking for Your Mom. The Funny Cigarettes were unstoppable, however, with Bodle putting on a scoring clinic and Toto dropping enough dimes to start a little bank.
There were no comeback heroics this time around, as The Funny Cigarettes marched into the final with the 90-69 victory.
Bodle had a game-high 35, with Toto and Clark adding 16 and 14 respectively. Oz racked up 23 and Knox ended with 26.
Toto lead the game with 15 assists, and Richie had four blocks. I managed to catch a word with Your Mom’s utility player D-Bar and got his thoughts on the loss.
“I’m still traumatized by last night,” said D-Bar, reflecting on his loss in the Mr. Larry U competition. “I wasn’t focused in on my jump shot and couldn’t stop thinking about how good I looked in that man thong.”
“I guess the loss shows who had more fun last night,” he concluded. Excuses aside, The Funny Cigarettes rolled ’em right today, and will take on the winner of the night’s other match-up in the highly anticipated title game.
Toto tried to enunciate his team’s planned preparations for the big night, but I lost him somewhere between “Bob Marley” and “Did you get my assists down?”
The result of the Team Zizou-Funny Monkey encounter was not available at press time.
Be sure to catch the championship game. This is where the Lawrence Difference truly lies: amidst the blood, sweat, tears and tie-dye head bands of intramural basketball.